Translating from Chinese-English

My birthday present to myself arrived today, a nice shiny Tecknet V70 4GB MP3 player.  I haven’t used it yet though, it’s currently plugged into the wall charging up the internal battery.  It is nice and small though, and the colour screen (or what I’ve seen or it so far anyway) looks very neat.  The most hilarious part is the small instruction manual it came with, which was clearly written in Chinese first and then translated by a computer program!  At least, I hope it was translated by a computer – any real person with such a grasp of the English language wouldn’t last long in day to day conversation…

Here are a few extracts I particularly enjoyed reading.  This first extract is from the introductory paragraph on page 1:

“This machine is a new generation digital Walkman, which support MP1, MP2, MP3, WMA, ASF, WAV format. It has perfect sound effect, extreme stability and smart feature, which make it be the handicraft of master level. And we sincerely hope that it can bring you wonderful comfort.”

Here’s what it says about how to play music:

“1. Inset the earphone into the hole
2. Long timely press ‘play’ to power on, enter ‘music mode’, and then shortly press ‘play’ to play music.”

Some other gems include the function of searching for FM radio stations, which it calls “research and listen the FM program”.  My favourite, however, is the FAQ, which it translates as “Knotty Problems”.  Brilliant!

There is also what the manual calls the “Outer space function”, which from what I can make out is formatting two partitions on the MP3 player so that you can share the MP3 player with someone else without them being able to listen to your music, which I guess is a nice idea.  This is what the manual has to say about the “Outer space function”:

“The common users to MP3 will be disturbed by ‘Materials outlet ting’ who are not content the ‘Personal materials’ seen by others. It will cause a big trouble that they have to delete all the private things before lending their MP3.
From now on, the player supply the function ‘Outer space’ which can settle the problem out.
Users can divide the USB disk into two part at any proportion by the random tools. (Users can see two disk marks in the computer. Windows 2K needs to install SP4 or they can only see one disk mark. If you want to see the other disk mark, you should choose ‘single disk’ or ‘single coded disk’ under ‘System setting/Connection mode’). Coding one of the two (You can not code but using the two disks). Hiding the content. Others can’t see the data that is the best ‘Outer space’ function.”

One thought on “Translating from Chinese-English

  1. Heh. There are a few grammatical errors in my car’s instruction manual (it’s a Hyundai), nothing approaching as bad as that!

    It reminds me of the “All your base are belong to us” internet phenomenon from a few years back.

    Someone set us up the bomb…

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